I Need A Wife

I have begun to realize - with a full-time job, three kids, a pug, husband, toys, laundry & dishes that, -- well to put it bluntly I need a wife.  I don't need to actually marry her.  I mean nothing real or on paper {Polygamy is illegal here.}  Just a woman {or man?} that is willing to clean up after me & my kids.  Cook us dinner even if we hate it.  Then lovingly put it all away, do the dishes.  Pack lunches.  Bath the kids.  Feed the dog.  Bath the dog.  Wash the laundry.  Dry the laundry.  Fold & put it away.  Set out clothes for the next day.  Brush four sets of teeth. {Just be happy the pug & Mr. L fend for themselves!}  Read fifteen books all with a fucking smile on her {or his?} face. And.  Wait for it.  For free. -  Oh wait.  I do this.  I guess I don't need a wife.  I am the wife.  But a girl can dream. 

Yes.  Isn't it funny that I do have a full time job.  I even work weekends.  And I don't get paid vacations or holidays.  But.  I am still expected to do all the wife duties too.  How annoying.  Is it because I work from home that this is expected of me? --  I take that back its not expected of me.  Mr. L never complains about the house.  Even if it appears a bomb went off.  Maybe thats the issue he doesn't give a shit.  Maybe I shouldn't give a shit.  But.  I do give a shit.  I hate messes.  I get irate.  I throw things away.  Seriously.  Then I remember weeks later I needed them.  And its too late. 

I guess I'll just settle with wine.  I Need A Wine. {bottle}